Monday, March 22, 2010

Feel free to comment...but this is a PIMP FREE ZONE!!

Whilst checking my unmoderated comments just now I came across a comment regarding the legality of the escort industry, and how it is now a properly regulated industry (er, since when exactly?) .
 It was posted in response to the results I had posted from (which as stated is not a survey I am in any way connected with).

I wouldn't have minded posting this comment, but what I thought was really taking the piss was that he included a link to his escort agency. In my view, male agency and parlour owners are the pits...nothing more than glorified pimps. They often come from wealthy backgrounds, and have had expensive enough educations to succeed in a milion and one other walks of life (unlike the girls from poor areas of eastern Europe that they tend to employ). They are greedy bastards just out to make a fast buck, and in the majority of cases  they do it off the backs of nubile young women. Needless to say I didn't publish Mark's comment, but I did send him a reply explaining why not:


In response to your comment on my blog at
I would like to point out that if you look closely it is not an "article", least of all one that has been written by myself.
It is in fact a selection of comments taken from men that took part in an escort survey in Ireland, and as stated in the blog all queries regarding it should be submitted to
I am not a statistician, I am merely a former escort who blogs truthfully and bluntly about her own experiences whilst working in that industry. I would happily have allowed your comment on the blog (even though it relates to the legality of the escort industry which is not a topic I have discussed anywhere therein). However, I thought it was rather a cheap shot that your comment was posted with a link to an escort agency (I'm assuming YOUR agency).
Now, men who profit from women's prostitution incur my distaste at the best of times, and men who do so are known as pimps. I do not mind anybody commenting on my blog, but kindly do not use it to "pimp" your wares.

Kind Regards

Little Storm Cloud"

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Johns, tricks, punters, hobbyists, (aka clients)....the men you meet as an escort

I have met MANY types of males in this game, and although it isn't possible to categorize them could say that they all fall into certain groups, and share similar traits...and most are not pleasant.

Mr 'Genuine': These are the punters you least resent dealing with. They are normally older men, say over 55, and for whatever reason they just cannot form relationships, often due to age or ill health. Many have been bereaved, or are nursing an infirm spouse. They simply don't have the chance to form relationships with females, and very often just seek companionship.This group has my sympathy for the most part.

However, the groups below, whose characteristics I will discuss in more detail below, generally earn only my contempt. The majority of these individuals are simply unwilling, or unable to form any kind of lasting relationship with anyone, and use prostitutes simply because it's an easy way to get their "kicks". Straight up sexual gratification is the name of their game, and these groups are always the hardest to deal with as they also like to delude themselves that you enjoy it as well (I know, they don't give up, do they?) with these guys cue ACTING SKILLS and harder work. Most of these men will be under 45, so that means more stamina, and more difficult for you to deal with. On the flip side, a large number of them will also be married, so will actually HAVE a life and hopefully leave you the fuck alone afterwards....

Mr 'Hobbyist': Now, the term hobbyist requires some explanation in the escorting context. Some men, in fact the majority of men that use prostitutes will do so "every now and again". It doesn't make up a substantial part of their life, and they will rarely see the same girl twice. These men are often in and out of relationships, and use escorts very occasionally when they feel like it. This leaves a second group of men who are known as "hobbyists", and these are people who pay for sex regularly, and over a prolonged period of time.
Hobbyists are exactly what the name suggests..they use escorts as a "hobby". They call an escort in the same way as most people call for a pizza. For these men, escorts have come to make up a substantial part of their lives. They will often be registered users on escort websites, and will write reviews. They will take a lot of time selecting and researching the escorts they use, and will often select women based on the sexual services they offer, i.e. two girl shows, unprotected oral, girlfriend experience etc. This is a group  myself and most of the escort community view with a mixture of pity and contempt.

Mr 'Nice Guy': Always nice, polite, presentable, charming...may seem like good boyfriend material, the type you'd take home to meet mother, but beware..they are usually hobbyists, and they were as nice to all the other escorts they've used as they were to other words, they give us all the same spiel. These are the type you really need to be careful of as they can be disarmingly charming, but the old adage "If it seems to good to be true, then it probably is" would certainly apply here. If they really are such a "nice guy", then why are they using prostitutes? The younger they are, then the bigger the cause for we all know, guys who are under 35 normally shouldn't have a problem getting laid for free..but these guys are often fully fledged escort users, and may also be addicts. They are often hooked on the variety of sex they can obtain from escorts, and the feigned attraction and affection they get from these attractive women. Mr. 'Nice Guy' may often share some of the characteristics of Mr. 'Stalker' or Mr. 'Voyeur'. They will often extensively research the escorts they use, and during the encounter will try to make it as 'personal' and 'intimate' as possible. They will often want the full "girlfriend experience" to substitute the intimacy they otherwise are lacking. They will often want to talk a lot, and may want you to divulge personal details. The golden rule with these guys is to remember: A PUNTER IS A PUNTER, IS A PUNTER. Don't open the door ...these guys would like nothing more than to charm their way into your pants for free, and this particular type will be keen on seeing the same girls regularly. It is their fantasy that they will one day find one willing to shag them without payment involved.

Mr 'Kinky': Often confused with Mr. Nice, but can be differentiated on account of the naughty glint in the eye and the kinky activities that they secretly like to engage in. Now, like Mr. Nice, Mr. Kinky may often be pleasant, presentable, and come across as quiet and shy. But they have a naughty side that that they'd never discuss in polite company, and most probably not with the wife or girlfriend. "Naughty" is the definitive word with Mr. Kinky. He is the archetypal naughty schoolboy that never grew up, and probably never will..
Spanking, role play, school uniforms, and bondage are normally the orders of the day here, although he may have many  other 'kinks' such as transvestism, splodging etc. Mr. Kinky may often appear very unremarkable on the exterior, but is very drawn to the "naughty" or "forbidden". Some of his secret pleasures may well be pornography, and voyeurism, and he most likely spends a lot of time engaged in these activities.

Mr. Lonely: Now, let's face it, a lot of people use escorts because they are lonely, and all the different types mentioned may share these characteristics, but for Mr. Lonely, sexual gratification is not the sole purpose of the encounter. This character may be older, work very long hours, or be stuck in a lonely relationship for the sake of kids, and is often just desperate for someone to listen. Mr. Lonely often oversteps the escort/ punter agreement, and may end up falling in love etc. This type is generally more sincere. His motivation, unlike Mr. Nice, or Mr. Kinky is not just to get a free shag.

Mr. 'Stalker' / Mr 'Voyeur': This character is a very tricky customer to define, and one with which you need to exercise particular caution. Practically everything I have said above to define Mr. Nice Guy could be applied here, but this character is a bit more creepy, because he actually wants to get inside your head and your life. He feeds on it. He will research you extensively, usually on the internet trying to find information  about you. These characters again are also usually hobbyists. They will spend a lot of time scouring escort websites, and have probably registered on a few, and will write reviews. But these guys like to know from a distance what is going on in your life. They will search for things you have posted on message boards, search escort sites/ porn sites looking for pictures etc. They may tell you how much you remind them of their dead wife, or how much you look like the ex-girlfriend they've never quite gotten over...but as soon as you hear those kind of statements the alarm bells should be ringing...these don't tend to be mentally healthy people, and are the type most likely to engage in harassment.

Mr 'Regular': These guys are what the name suggests...regulars. This means they see you more than once, maybe twice, maybe 10 times. They could be any, or all of the above characters, but most often they are
Mr. Nice Guys.. Regulars are worth their weight in gold, as this is a sure source of income, and these fuckers know it.  A lot of punters who hope to become your "regular" or who want to see you again will attempt to ingratiate themselves with you by writing flattering reviews, or giving tips so that they get into your good books...ready for the next time they want to get into your knickers. I've lost count of how many times I've heard the line: "Well I'm not sure if you remember me......". No, actually tosser I don't. Why the fuck would I remember you?I took your cash, smiled sweetly, and forgot all about you same as every other punter that's ever walked in here and paid to fuck me (obviously that's what you're THINKING, but don't actually say it) Your reply should go along the lines of : "Oh're that nice man from ..(think fast, insert location here)......OF COURSE I remember you! One of my best experiences ever!" or some other similar bullshit....It'll flatter them, and gain you a regular. ;-)

Mr 'Fetish': Mr. Fetish can be an interesting character. His sexual kicks come from fetishisms, and these are as diverse as you could imagine. Foot fetishes, food fetishes, tickle fetishes...the list is endless.
Fetishisms can include BDSM, domination, role play, pretty much anything....but the great thing about these guys is that they get more kicks from the actual "fetish" than the they won't be pounding away on top of you and obsessed with trying to "pleasure" you and  make you cum, unlike the more "vanilla" customers..(see below)

Friday, March 19, 2010

The things punters do when they're banging me that make me want to puke...TAKE NOTE!!!

Now, the very act of paying for a shag is in itself  pretty sleazy, and quite a turn off....but even more so when you're on the receiving end!! Punters come in all shapes and sizes, but here are a few of the stomach turning traits they all seem to share!!

1) The awful way they grit their teeth and screw up their faces and make grunting noises just before they cum.
-Now why oh why do you have to do this? It is so fucking animalistic and it scares the shit out of me!!
I hate it when you are banging away on top of me and I look up and see that strained look on your face and that desperate look in your eyes....yuck yuck yuck.!!

2) Trying to make me CUM.
-Now why oh fucking why are punters so obsessed with this? QUIT NOW...IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN YOU DIPSHITS!! You just paid €250 to jack off inside me, and that is VERY different to making love with a significant other...not that I would expect any of you to have ever done the latter, but trust me it is..
I have to spend my life in a state of theatricality with you people...moaning and gyrating like I'm lapdancing for Latvia, but TRUST me it's all bullshit!! You DON'T bring me pleasure, and I get pissed off with having to act like you do just to appease your oversized egos!!

3) Skid marks.
-Now these have to be just the grossest thing. Please guys, wash your ass cracks!! There is nothing more of a turn off!!

3)Body Odour.
-Goes without saying. Please take a shower. I don't ask you for no reason, and plus it helps use up some of the hour....10 minutes less that I have to have you in my immediate vicinity ;-)

4) Fingering me with long nails.
-I'd actually rather your tongue or fingers went nowhere near there, but seeing as you are determined to give me "pleasure" (or at least that's what I let you THINK you're doing) then cut your damned nails before inserting please!!

5) Copping a quick feel before you've handed over the cash.
-Don't even think about it.....

6) Asking me what I want.
-If you really want to know what I want, it's for you to leave €250 on the table then turn your sorry ass back round again and get the hell out!! !

6) Telling me you want me to enjoy it
-This is my JOB. Does a plumber ENJOY putting his hands down toilets? No. He gets paid to. No different with me..... Nuff said.

"In Hollywood they say there's no business like show the hood they say there's no business like ho business.." -50 Cent (And he sure ain't wrong)

It's true that there really is no business like escorting. No business that offers the chance for such addictively fast cash in such a short space of time, and no business that will show you in such a short space of time what (some) men are really all about...
It's not THE most dangerous business around, but it's well up there in the top 10. And one of the main dangers of this trade is that once you're in then it hooks many women are completely hooked on the fast bucks you can make (including me). The longer you're in the industry, then the harder it will be to exit...because once you cross that line into escorting don't think you'll be stepping back into normality any time soon. Something inside of you changes, and it changes for the worst. For starters, you'll lose any romantic illusions you once held about men and relationships...they really ARE all about one thing. You'll find yourself initially shocked at the bestiality of male sexuality, and the seemingly inherent ability that these men have to lie and deceive. Some of them are even lying to themselves, not just their "significant" others...
When you first start out you'll kid yourself that you can handle it, you're strong enough, and all these men that you don't even like or find attractive paying money to screw you has no impact....and then you'll try to leave and have a "normal" life, possibly a "normal" relationship...only then will you realise how much it has really wrecked your head. Every time your boyfriend is late home, you'll wonder what he's REALLY doing. You'll wonder if you are now on the receiving end of the same thing all those men's wives and girlfriends were with you, and then when you have sex, he'll do or say something and it'll remind you of a punter...
The other problem when you try and step back into the "real" world, aside from the lack of readily available income, is the fact that you find you've almost forgotten who YOU really are. You've become so used to putting on an act for €250 an hour that you almost lose the REAL you. Now to anyone who feels they are strong enough to handle this job, and has never suffered any kind of psychological distress, then I say fair play to you, and long may it stay that way......but to the many who have experienced considerable mental trauma, then I can only say: stay safe, make as much money as you can, ....then get the fuck out... xxx

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The top 10 list of charming/ stupid remarks I've heard from clients...just in case you thought chivalry was dead... ;-)

I thought it'd be fun to share with you my top ten list of little gems that the "gentlemen" who've visited me over the years have come out with...and they wonder why they're paying to get laid, huh??

Now before I begin with my TOP 10, Let's begin with the biggest hunk of bull***t heard by escorts time and time again: "I actually don't do this very often".
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (Choke, cough, splutter) HAHAHAHAHA........yeah, right......whatever. Anyways, moving on...

Now the punters I've met have come in all shapes and sizes, and with varying types of personality disorders too...but even as a lady used to dealing with  male sexuality at it's most base level outlet, I never cease to be amazed by some of the things they come out with:

1) "Let's shag!"...well fuck me, what charm school did you attend, eh? This has to be the most common, and really does show male sexuality at it's most bestial and unimaginative. You know who you are, and if you have a wife/ girlfriend (which I somehow doubt) then it's no wonder you're visiting ME!!

2) "Let's fuck!" or "Let's screw!"...cruder, more vulgar variants of the above...again indicating an inability to progress beyond the most primitive level of sexual expression...(which is to hand somebody a wad of cash to let you bang them).

3) "Can I try without a condom?"- Well, dickhead, I shagged 6 other blokes today, do you think that's REALLY a good idea? The fact you are even asking me indicates that you yourself are probably HIV positive, and are putting your dick/ tongue/ fingers in too many orifices already with no thoughts about the consequences. You clearly do not give a fuck about your own health.

4) "How old are you REALLY?"- It's none of your fucking business how old I am, I'm the age it says on the profile, and that's all you need to know. You paid to shag me, not settle down with me.

5) "Are you clean?"- Possibly the stupidest question I ever get asked, and does it piss me off or what?
As stated in a previous posting, if I WASN'T clean, do you really think I'd tell YOU? You WON'T be shagging me without a condom anyway, and if you want an unprotected bj, or to go down on me without a dental dam, then just remember that seven other guys had the same idea today already. "Did I use protection with the seven others that had their faces in my crotch before you even got here?" NO.
"Did I suck them off with no condom same as you want to do?" YES. Because, like you, their  powers of rational thought didn't extend past the end of their cocks either. It doesn't take a PHD in microbiology to figure that we are BOTH at risk, and that YOU have to take more responsibility here! Yes, I am a professional, and I take all practicable care with my sexual health, but amazing as I may be, my vagina is no more pathogen resistant than the next woman, and neither is your willy!!

6) "Go on, suck it you bitch, suck that cock you filthy bitch..."- Now this little gem has to attributed to a very "earthy" not so young man named Pete*, whose real name and location shall remain unmentioned. His real "thing" was talking "dirty" whilst shagging me and subsequently watching anal porn (usually involving black guys). I know for a fact this guy is actually married, but I can only assume she married him for the clearly wasn't his charisma or personal hygiene. He is also chubby, smelly and covered in tattoos, plus his dick always stinks of urine. That said, he is a pleasant enough country lad...just not somebody you'd particularly want to shag (unless he was paying you). But hey, isn't that always the case?

7) "Oh my God, your pussy feels AMAZING!"-Great. I'm happy for you asshole, but why do you assume I want you to share that with me?!

8) "OOooh  yeaahhh, that's it...feel my cock inside you!"- Look, tosser, it's pretty fucking obvious it's inside me...and what makes you think I can actually feel it, or that it feels any different from the nine others I already had in there today?? LOSER!!!

9) "Do you want me to fuck you?" (Normally said before or during the sex act in a slightly embarassed quiet voice)- Oh, yes you big stud....I just can't fucking wait!! (NOT)

10) "Could we go out on a date sometime?" -This is so damned insulting. Do you SERIOUSLY think I work as an escort to meet trustworthy men with high moral standards for dating?!? OF  COURSE NOT!!

And last but not least ...

 "I want you to enjoy it as well" or  " what do YOU like?"-Well, whatever I like you can be assured I don't like or enjoy it with YOU...that's why I've just charged you 250 quid  ;-)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Escort scene in Ireland...and the men that use it....WARNING: THE RESPONSES OF THE MEN TAKING PART IN THIS SURVEY MAY PERMANENTLY CONVERT YOU TO LESBIANISM (If you weren't already) ;-)

Below I have posted some remarks made by participants of a survey carried out in Ireland of men who use prostitutes....some interesting results...EVER WONDERED WHY THERE ARE SO MANY LESBIANS AROUND? WELL THEN READ BELOW...It is interesting to note that the main concern that most of these men have is the standard of "service" that they receive and how much they are being charged!! Just goes to show you that these boys really don't think further than the ends of their dicks, do they? A lot of these men view it as their right to be able to hand a woman a couple of hundred quid for their own sexual gratification, with no thought for her health or wellbeing....

Respondents were invited to leave a comment after completing the survey if they wished to. Here are some of the comments that were left:

"I think the biggest problem with escort services in Ireland is cost. The escorts are overcharging compared to their counterparts in Britain and Europe."

"I would be quite happy to get a strip, massage and hand-relief, as you would be offered 10 - 15 years ago, but the way the business has changed you are not offered that anymore. It is always full sex only on the cards as that means more money."

"I like girls with a positive attitude. I want the escorts I see to enjoy our meeting or at least take something positive from it."

"Far too many websites show fake pictures of girls, especially when it comes to agencies. I wouldn't mind seeing a picture of a average girl so long as she is who I am going to meet."

"I believe that all men who use escorts are lacking in some way shape or form, me included. I also believe that all escorts are victims and that no matter what some of them may say, they all hate what they do, it can only shatter their self esteem. I know since using escorts my self esteem has gone way down. I always hate myself afterwards."

"Ten years ago you would usually only get oral without a condom on the street, but nowadays it is widely available with escorts. I think the arrival of foreign ladies has really shaken up the service in this respect, also in relation to anal. It is also notable looking at escort websites how the number of Irish ladies has dropped."

"I think when you publish the results of this survey you should encourage any readers to report immediately to the gardai any escort whom they feel may be working under force/abuse etc."

"I really enjoy fucking the women because I know they don't enjoy it. I try to fuck them as hard as I can. I use viagra so my dick is still hard after I have cum and I can keep fucking them hard."

"I would prefer to see more Irish and Western European girls as i have a fear that some are being exploited, as they have little or no English."

"Prostitution needs to be legalised for the girls protection."

"There's too much 'Rip-off Ireland' when it comes to Irish escort / prostitution services."

"I use escorts because I, for whatever reasons, find it hard to pick up women. I am deeply concerned about exploitation of girls and if I had a more active sex life I would not use escorts."

"I think with the Internet it has got too easy to access escort services. I have become addicted and am trying to give it up. It is hard as it is an addiction like smoking, drinking, gambling or drugs. I think it will be a growing problem in Irish society."

"I have nothing but praise for 99% of the escorts that I have met. Most seem to really enjoy my company and I have even become friends with some. They can earn good money but they deserve it and enjoy their work most of the time from what I can see. For men like myself they offer freedom of choice to be or not to be in a relationship."


"This survey has shown that the average Irish punter is a native white male, aged mid-twenties to mid-forties, highly educated, respectably employed, most likely in a relationship or married and using Irish escort services for sexual gratification.

There has been speculation before now that escort websites encourage the use of escort services and this survey appears to confirm that, with over 80% of the respondents indicating either that they feel escort websites have encouraged them to use escort services more or that they didn't use escort services prior to the existence of escort websites.

I was shocked by the responses the escort clients gave to the safe sex orientated questions. This survey indicates that dangerous unprotected sexual activities are currently commonplace in Irish escort transactions. I think more must be done to encourage safe sex in the Irish escort industry.

Irish escort clients have used this survey to make it clear that they feel escort services in Ireland are overpriced and that they would support further legalisation of prostitution.

Thankfully there are no indications from this survey that underage escorts are commonplace in Ireland, but this survey has not quelled fears regards human trafficking. Over a quarter of the respondents indicated that they had encountered an escort they suspected was being forced to work. Drugs, exploitation and physical abuse also seem to be problems in the Irish escort industry.

The attitude of Irish escort clients towards escorts they can see are vulnerable was split. Whilst most don't appear to want to see an Ireland of unhappy escorts and some are clearly concerned about the welfare of escorts, a significant number are showing a callous lack of care for escorts.

This survey has shown that Irish escort clients are often looking for kinkier sex with escorts than they would get at home, and that services such as anal sex are now widely available in Ireland.

It seems from this survey that Irish escort clients are also commonly engaging in sex tourism when visiting other countries."

© Please direct any comments / questions about this survey to Please credit if using the results of this survey.

Reviewers... the saddest of the sad....

Ok, so for those of you unfamiliar with the "review" systems that are so prominent on the Irish websites, it is basically where the punters (mainly hobbyists) get to write an account of their "encounter" with a particular escort and give her a mark out of 10, normally with their hand simultaneously down their pants...
Now in many cases the escorts want good reviews because this is what boosts trade...a lot of men will read escort reviews, and will only see an escort who has good reviews. In many areas, bad reviews could actually put a woman out of business. A lot of these men will write "good" reviews in a pathetic attempt to ingratiate themselves  with the escort so they can get a little bit "extra"  when they see her again...
I would just like to categorically state that I HATE the review system. I think it is REVOLTING to pay for sexual encounters with another human being, and then write about it online for all to read as if it were an item bought from e-bay. The most disgusting are the prolific reviewers that slate women for their lack of sexual responsiveness, or lack of "interest", and give them low scores. YOU ARE FUCKING PRIMITIVE!!!
You can't buy genuine affection or attraction from another person, they are only there in the first place because you are paying them!! The thing that I also hate is that if you happen to give a rat's arse about your own sexual health, then DON'T expect good reviews...yes, that's right ladies, these guys are too lazy to get a real girlfriend and that's why you have to PRETEND to be one...and that means AUTHENTICITY. Basically, these days you have to provide unsafe services like unprotected bj's, and let them go down on you without a dental dam...oh and kiss them too. If you don't do those things, then you won't get good reviews...they'll probably just write about you being too "clinical" or "mechanical".
A person is not a toy from from e-bay. To all those prolific reviewers out there (and yes, you know who you are) I hope that if you ever actually meet a woman for a proper relationship (yes, that means having somebody actually want to fuck you because they LIKE you), and that she is unaware that you are in fact some sad bastard who pays to get laid... that she finds all your vile reviews and sees you for what you actually are...