Tuesday, March 9, 2010

THE ESSENTIAL ESCORT GUIDE...Or things I wish somebody had told me about 10 years ago

There are a hundred and one guides out there for rookie escorts, so I'm going to attempt to share my own experiences, and hopefully provide a little advice for anyone considering entering the profession. I must give credit for some of this to SW5 in London. This is a fantastic project for sex workers, based in London. Check out their website for some valuable info. I'm going to write a longer, far more detailed section dedicated solely to Sexual Health later in the blog. Please watch this space.

Well, let's consider first of all the job itself...the perks and the pitfalls. First of all:

1) Escorting is DANGEROUS. Period. Don't be seduced by the bullshit novels (Belle de Jour please take note- you didn't write about the girl whose severed head was found in a fridge, now did you?), and the glossy websites. Pretty Woman was just a movie. You should never underestimate the potentially enormous risks you are taking with your own personal safety when you do this job. Just to clear up any illusions: ESCORTS GET FUCKED BY CLIENTS. Beware of agencies stating that they recruit escorts for companionship only, they are scams. Nobody pays that kind of money just to look at you: sex will always be expected. If you are going to operate as an escort, your main priority has to be to operate as safely as possible. Don't think that the men you will be meeting will be an endless stream of Richard Geres either. Nothing could be further from the truth. The fact that somebody is paying money to purchase a sexual encounter should tell you a lot about how they interact with their fellow human beings, and the truth is that many of these men struggle to form mutually satisfying, healthy intimate relationships. A lot of them are paying for sex because otherwise they simply wouldn't get any. The sex you have with clients is an act, but it's made more difficult because in order to get the repeat business, you have to ACT like you enjoy it, and ACT like you enjoy THEM. This is tough, because in many cases were you not being paid, you wouldn't even look at half these guys, let alone shag them!! But the male psyche being the strange and complex thing that it is, these guys want to believe that you are into it as much as they are, so 99.9% of this job is being a very good actress. As in any kind of business, the name of the game is to get repeat customers coming back again to spend more money. For this, you have to tap into that old male fantasy of the prostitute who actually enjoys her job..even though you may hate it, you must always tell the client how mush you love being an escort, and how much you love them... They are not paying €250 to be with a miserable, troubled soul that clearly isn't into them, hates her job, and talks about her latest boyfriend. No. They want a sexual dynamo, all sweetness and smiles, and who makes THEM feel good, and who (acts) convincingly that she enjoys sex with them and can make them feel like they are the best lover she ever had. If you can manage that, then you will get repeat custom. Whilst punters clearly don't want to feel like they are shagging a pillow, they are also unlikely to make a repeat booking if you act like something out of a low budget porno film. The bottom line is that you have to be natural and convincing. It short ladies, you got to fake it to make it, and convincingly. I'll be writing an in depth guide to this later.....

In the escort industry, it has to be said you will meet more than your fair share of troubled, disturbed, socially maladjusted, lonely, and psychologically unhealthy people, and that often applies to both escorts and punters alike. Be VERY careful who you trust. It is a very cut throat industry, and be aware that people profiting from prostitution tend not to be very nice. Many Escort websites, and Escort agencies are run by crooks, and are often fronts for other criminal activity such as human trafficking. One well known Irish website is covered in anti-trafficking blurb, and yet openly advertises trafficked girls operating from a brothel in Cork.

2) Where to operate? Hotel or apartment?- Well, my answer to this from a personal safety perspective would be "hotel everytime". If you are working alone, this would be by far the safest option, but even then there are risks involved. With a hotel, you at least know that as soon as a punter walks into a hotel he is on CCTV, and he knows it. However, there are men that won't visit hotels for that very reason. Also, hotel staff are not stupid. They know who is staying in the hotel, and they know who isn't. They can spot men walking into hotels to visit prostitutes a mile off, and if they suspect you are selling from their premises they are entitled to ask you to leave. Even in a hotel room there are no guarantees, and you are still vulnerable. If at all possible try to work with a male friend close by, or at very least call somebody every time a punter arrives and when they leave, and establish what they will do if you do not make contact after the hour is up. ALWAYS, I REPEAT, ALWAYS MAKE SURE THAT SOMEBODY KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE, AND THAT MEANS HOTEL, ADDRESS, AND ROOM NUMBER. Ideally, also text the mobile phone number of the punter coming to see you/ or that you are visiting to a third party for double back up.
Have an escape plan in place for what you will do if it kicks off, and how you will get out of there. Try to plan an escape route in advance from the place you are working. A panic alarm is a good idea, although  I would not advise keeping any kind of weapon in the room, as these could be used against you by an attacker, however I know many escorts do. I was once offered a handgun by a former soldier to use as protection, and clearly being in posession of an unlicensed firearm could land you in serious trouble. Obviously, the laws surrounding firearms are different in the USA, but in the U.K and Ireland it is illegal to posess them unlicensed. The laws in Ireland and the UK surrounding self-defense and what constitutes "reasonable force" against an attacker are complicated, and it's a very grey area. As a rule, posession of any Offensive Weapon, be it a knife, gun, screwdriver, baseball bat will land you in deep shit if you are unable to prove a legitimate reason for it being in your posession. "I carry it for self defence" just won't cut it, and is not legally an acceptable defence. I'm going to write a more detailed guide to self defence later, but the following are two simple actions that can buy you just enough valuable seconds to get out of a dangerous situation:

1) If possible always have NAIL EXTENSIONS!! They look great, the punters like them, and they can make fantastic weapons if the shit does go down. If someone grabs you, jab them in the eyes as HARD as you possibly can with both index and middle fingers. Don't be squeamish, and don't worry about blinding them...they've tried to attack you. This should hopefully buy you a  precious few seconds.
2) It goes without saying, but make as much noise as possible, scream shout, throw things, and use anything you have to defend yourself...bite, scratch, and kick as much as you can.
3)Another way to stun an attacker is to jab very hard into their trachea, which is the soft indent  in the centre of their throat. This will be painful and make them catch their breath, again buying you a few seconds to get away.
4) Kicking them in the balls, tempting as it may be, could be risky...although clearly very debilitating, I have been told that the intensity of pain could actually send an attacker into an even greater rage.

When it comes to punters, a general rule to follow is this: NEVER FULLY RELAX, AND NEVER FULLY DROP YOUR GUARD. THE DAY YOU DO WILL BE THE DAY YOU CAN LEAST AFFORD TO. YOU NEED TO VIEW EVERY ONE AS A POTENTIAL THREAT, AND THEY DO SAY THAT IT'S THE QUIET ONES YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL OF..

Don't ever be disarmed by the charmers, the smilers, and the sweet talkers...men are genetically programmed to deceive...they are genetically programmed to get sex however necessary. Peter Sutcliffe and Jack the Ripper were apparently both very charming characters....it's a common trait of psychopaths. When it comes to punters, TRUST NO ONE AND TRUST NO ONE.....Just remember, they're paying for sex for a reason....


You should always take bookings only from a customer who has a mobile number that you can call back on if necessary. When it comes to outcalls, then you need to be twice as careful. Only visit a customer in a hotel if you have their full name and booking reference number. Call the hotel in advance and check this. Think VERY carefully about taking bookings at a private residence. If you decide to do so, then INSIST upon a landline number, and a full name which you can then check with directory enquiries. If they cannot provide this, then don't go. Ideally, have somebody wait outside for you in a car whilst the booking takes place. If the punter protests about this, then TOUGH SHIT. It's for your safety, and if they won't comply it's a booking you don't need.

3) Escorts and drugs/ booze- Ok, so we all know that drug and alcohol use are very prevalent within the industry, and indeed many escorts are very reliant upon them to do the job. However, being drunk or high makes you very vulnerable, and if you're too out of it to drive then you're probably too out of it to work safely. Be vary wary also about using with clients, or drinking with them. If you drink, only accept a non-alchoholic drink from a sealed container.Many escorts have a "stiff drink" before a job to loosen them up, however alcohol obviously slows your reactions and impairs your judgement. Be especially wary of anybody asking you to provide or supply drugs. I actually know of an incident in Ireland where a girl had supplied coke for a client, and the guy died of a heart attack whilst "on the job". This is a nightmare situation, because the first thing the cops will do is to go through the guy's phone records, and BINGO....there's your number! Possession/ supply of Class A drugs=DEEP SHIT. DON'T DO IT.


4) To review or not to review?- Reviews of escorts written by punters have grown in popularity over the years, and many escorts want them because they boost business. Reviews can be a double edged sword. Firstly, many will not always be positive. Some can be extremely sexually explicit. You also have to ask do you really want your innermost personal details laid bare for all to wank over? Just remember that the reviews will be around a lot longer than you are. Many sites will not remove negative reviews, so think carefully if you want them at all. It is very easy to write fake reviews, but make sure you do it from a public computer, because the sites these days log all I.P. addresses of people posting reviews on their sites. If you play that game, you have to be smart. If you want any fake reviews written that are extremely good and very convincing, leave me a message and i'll get back to you.

5) PRACTICE SAFE SEX FOR ALL ACTIVITIES- Ok, so we all know the importance of condoms for penetrative anal and vaginal sex, but don't forget that many STD's such as Chlamydia, Herpes, and Gonorrhoea can all be passed on through unprotected oral sex as well. Unfortunately, many guys insist upon unprotected BJ's, and aren't happy to let you use a dental dam when they go down on you, and frankly it just shows their stupidity. t's a tough call, but you have to use your own limits and decide if unprotected oral is a risk worth taking.