The top 10 list of charming/ stupid remarks I've heard from clients...just in case you thought chivalry was dead... ;-)

I thought it'd be fun to share with you my top ten list of little gems that the "gentlemen" who've visited me over the years have come out with...and they wonder why they're paying to get laid, huh??

Now before I begin with my TOP 10, Let's begin with the biggest hunk of bull***t heard by escorts time and time again: "I actually don't do this very often".
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (Choke, cough, splutter) HAHAHAHAHA........yeah, right......whatever. Anyways, moving on...

Now the punters I've met have come in all shapes and sizes, and with varying types of personality disorders too...but even as a lady used to dealing with  male sexuality at it's most base level outlet, I never cease to be amazed by some of the things they come out with:

1) "Let's shag!"...well fuck me, what charm school did you attend, eh? This has to be the most common, and really does show male sexuality at it's most bestial and unimaginative. You know who you are, and if you have a wife/ girlfriend (which I somehow doubt) then it's no wonder you're visiting ME!!

2) "Let's fuck!" or "Let's screw!"...cruder, more vulgar variants of the above...again indicating an inability to progress beyond the most primitive level of sexual expression...(which is to hand somebody a wad of cash to let you bang them).

3) "Can I try without a condom?"- Well, dickhead, I shagged 6 other blokes today already...now, do you think that's REALLY a good idea? The fact you are even asking me indicates that you yourself are probably HIV positive, and are putting your dick/ tongue/ fingers in too many orifices already with no thoughts about the consequences. You clearly do not give a fuck about your own health.

4) "How old are you REALLY?"- It's none of your fucking business how old I am, I'm the age it says on the profile, and that's all you need to know. You paid to shag me, not settle down with me.

5) "Are you clean?"- Possibly the stupidest question I ever get asked, and does it piss me off or what?
As stated in a previous posting, if I WASN'T clean, do you really think I'd tell YOU? You WON'T be shagging me without a condom anyway, and if you want an unprotected bj, or to go down on me without a dental dam, then just remember that seven other guys had the same idea today already. "Did I use protection with the seven others that had their faces in my crotch before you even got here?" NO.
"Did I suck them off with no condom same as you want to do?" YES. Because, like you, their  powers of rational thought didn't extend past the end of their cocks either. It doesn't take a PHD in microbiology to figure that we are BOTH at risk, and that YOU have to take more responsibility here! Yes, I am a professional, and I take all practicable care with my sexual health, but amazing as I may be, my vagina is no more pathogen resistant than the next woman, and neither is your willy!!

6) "Go on, suck it you bitch, suck that cock you filthy bitch..."- Now this little gem has to attributed to a very "earthy" not so young man named Pete*, whose real name and location shall remain unmentioned. His real "thing" was talking "dirty" whilst shagging me and subsequently watching anal porn (usually involving black guys). I know for a fact this guy is actually married, but I can only assume she married him for the money...it clearly wasn't his charisma or personal hygiene. He is also chubby, smelly and covered in tattoos, plus his dick always stinks of urine. That said, he is a pleasant enough country lad...just not somebody you'd particularly want to shag (unless he was paying you). But hey, isn't that always the case?

7) "Oh my God, your pussy feels AMAZING!"-Great. I'm happy for you asshole, but why do you assume I want you to share that with me?!

8) "OOooh  yeaahhh, that's it...feel my cock inside you!"- Look, tosser, it's pretty fucking obvious it's inside me...and what makes you think I can actually feel it, or that it feels any different from the nine others I already had in there today?? LOSER!!!

9) "Do you want me to fuck you?" (Normally said before or during the sex act in a slightly embarassed quiet voice)- Oh, yes you big stud....I just can't fucking wait!! (NOT)

10) "Could we go out on a date sometime?" -This is so damned insulting. Do you SERIOUSLY think I work as an escort to meet trustworthy men with high moral standards for dating?!? OF  COURSE NOT!!

And last but not least ...

 "I want you to enjoy it as well" or  "Mmm...now what do YOU like?"-Well, whatever I like you can be assured I don't like or enjoy it with YOU...that's why I've just charged you 250 quid  ;-)